Points on a Star
by aervien
Summary: Itachi x Sasuke x Hinata x Hanabi x Neji; complete crack; 'And it was nowhere near time for them to dim.'


**(Disclaimer)** I do not own Naruto. Characters and setting copyrighted to Masashi Kishimoto. All rights reserved, etc, etc. The plot and any character unrecognizable from the manga or anime are mine as well. Please do not use anything that falls underneath those categories without my permission. I am writing this for the sole purpose of entertainment and am not making any money off of it.

**(A/N)** I finally got around to posting this here... Anyways, Ladii-Chocolate and Kagura over at LiveJournal claimed they would be surprised to see an Isunabiji fic... so... I took up the challenge! I hope you like it!

For those of you who don't know what Isunabiji is (which is pretty much everyone, I think), it stands for **I**tachi, Sa**su**ke, Hi**na**ta, Hana**bi**, Ne**ji**. Put it all together and what do you get? **Isunabiji**! XD

**WARNING: Rated M for a reason. A little more than just mentions of mature topics and implications of past 'activities'. I take absolutely no responsibility if someone decides to read over your shoulder. XP** Also, I'll remind you that while this had serious topics it doesn't have the most serious tone, so if you can't stand a little backwards/perverted humor, I suggest you run far, far away.

* * *

**Points on a Star  
**_Taiyoukai Lady_

* * *

It had started with just him. Kisame had been killed in a short skirmish, and Itachi had no respect for the shark's passing. The opponents had been idiotic freaks of nature that didn't deserve the air they breathed. Kisame's body had been left where it breathed it's last breath, the only grave marker being the piles of rotting dead bodies Itachi hadn't bothered to clean up. He had grown powerful enough that the Atatsuki didn't assign him another partner, something he was relieved at. He couldn't stand the other Atatsuki members. Especially when they kept suggesting things because of his girlish looks (like he would ever admit that).

So he'd wandered for a while, sometimes doing Atatsuki missions, sometimes just walking around for the heck of it. He only bothered to keep up-to-date with the dates so he could mark the few important yearly events: his birthday (so he could remind himself he should probably commit suicide soon so nobody would kill him because of age problems), the day he massacred the Uchiha clan (just for reminiscing), Sasuke's birthday (so he could track how long it had been since Sasuke had failed to murder him), and the first time Sasuke tried to kill him (it is a sentimental thing).

Actually, each of them had joined him on one of those dates, which was rather coincidental, and helpful, as he didn't have to worry about remembering so many random dates. Four was more than enough holidays to celebrate. If you could call getting dead drunk and having sex with four other people in less than twenty minutes celebrating. All of them only about half his age. And only two of them being members of the opposite gender.

-

The first one had been the Hyuuga heiress, Hinata. Honestly, the girl's body and demeanor was practically screaming 'rape me!' what with the pale skin, perfect complexion, delicate fingers, gentle curves, ready blush, etc, etc. Itachi, having not seen a girl worth looking at for ages, hated to disappoint, though amazingly enough, he was still a virgin and had never actually had the 'talk' and therefore had no idea what he was doing, which led to him to throw away any dreams of the Hyuuga.

Fate, however, seemed to absolutely adore him.

For some reason which Hinata has yet to disclaim even after three years, she had actually approached him. The gentle trembling that she tried to hide as she softly asked him for help with her injured leg had Itachi suddenly deciding to pick his perverted thoughts out of the trash can (what was strange was that he had the thoughts and had no idea what the actual contents should really be like). His purring agreement had her thinking pretty much the same thing, only she wasn't able to hide the blush that raged across her softly demure cheeks. Of course, Itachi, being the wonderfully observant and intelligent person that he was, immediately noticed and asked if she had a fever.

That night, Itachi awoke to find Hinata moaning and writhing in her makeshift bed and calling his name. Itachi, knowing _exactly_ why she was doing that, just stared at her for few minutes. That was before a particularly loud moan and jerky twist slipped the edge of her shirt up. The male stared. What was that... _lump_? Oh god, was _that_ what Shisui had been droning on about when he had been talking about his girlfriend's large 'assets'?

Itachi sat, thinking. Shisui had also said something about it being amazingly soft...

His hand was already moving before Itachi even stood and walked over to the girl. Sitting down next to her, he watched, fascinated as another sharp motion also tugged her pants down a little. However, that wasn't why he had come over so he ignored it. Instead, his twitching hand reached for the 'lump' and...

... promptly jerked back as Hinata suddenly sat up a little and whimpered, "Itachi... itoshii... please... touch me..."

Safe to say, Itachi was completely confused. "...what?"

Hinata mumbled through her sleep, "You know... down there..."

Itachi blinked. _'She said... 'down there'? Wait... Mother had also said something about not touching girls _/i there i _, so maybe... that? But Mother said..._' Another moan decided it for Itachi.

Again, his hand reached out and touched the 'forbidden place'.

He did not expect Hinata to suddenly shriek and grab him. Therefore, he was completely shocked when her arms curled around his neck with alarmingly speed and mashed his mouth to hers. Needless to say, originally greatly impeded hormones suddenly rushed in.

The next day, Hinata awoke to find Itachi asleep, collapsed on top of her, both of them completely and utterly naked. Shocked, she recalled the 'dream' she had had and lay there, mortified. Using a jutsu Sakura had taught her (though why Sakura had known such a jutsu Hinata did not know), Hinata was even more surprised to find that she was no longer a virgin.

Recalling the promise kiss she'd given at the start of the mission, Hinata moaned, noticing when Itachi answered with one of his own.

Neji was going to _murder_ her.

-

After that, Hinata had wanted to forget everything, but Itachi, deciding he needed to catch up on years of lost opportunity, did not let her back into her clothes for another day (besides he'd just figured out what 'doing it' meant), and by then, she no longer wanted to leave anyhow. So, Itachi gained the first addition to his group, on his birthday amusingly enough, and back at Konoha, Hinata was muttered about but it was decided she had simply died on the mission.

-

The second acquisition was a little more amusing. And simpler.

Sasuke had already killed Orochimaru a little while ago and was currently amusing himself by sending false information to Konoha about the supposed whereabouts of the snake and watching Kabuto and Tayuya kiss (and sometimes more) through invisible mirrors in their rooms (neither had really cared much about Orochimaru's death).

In other words, he was bored to death and really wanted to see some actual action between two people instead of the blushing gropes Kabuto and Tayuya provided.

So when he was notified of the appearance of his brother and a Hyuuga girl, Sasuke's (not very hard to win) interest was piqued and he set off to spy under the pretense of wanting to kill the elder Uchiha (he'd given up ages ago, it wasn't very fun chasing after someone when you still had dreams about their naked back and unlike Itachi, he knew what the dreams meant).

He met them in a meadow off the side of a large forest with a deep, cozy cave that used to be infested with behemoth tigers that was really hard to find. They'd come out of the deep, cozy cave that used to be infested with behemoth tigers that was really hard to find to look for food, Itachi finding great pleasure in distracting them every few minutes. Sasuke immediately settled down to watch.

A little while later, Itachi claimed he needed to go relieve himself Hinata was left alone. Sasuke appeared and they looked at each other and Hinata smiled and Sasuke found himself kissing her when Itachi appeared. The elder Uchiha watched the two, blinking. (He wasn't angry because he didn't really get that usually it was a woman and a man and not two men and one woman, nor that and man and a man together wasn't socially accepted. Yes, he needs to attend Health class.)

Sasuke was halfway out of his clothes before he noticed Itachi there. More like Sasuke noticed the distinct lack of cloth on Itachi and Hinata and on his upper body.

Itachi cocked his head at him and said calmly, "Take the rest of those off, Sasuke. Hinata and I can amuse ourselves as you do so." Hinata smiled and repeated it and then they started kissing and Sasuke was left, staring and wondering what the hell the two had been smoking.

Then he shrugged and took off his pants and joined the other two.

The next day, a bird was flying around before it stopped and stared in disbelief at the tangled bodies of the three – out in the open for the world to see with clothes strewn around them.

-

Sasuke joined their group without protest. He liked Itachi that way and he was starting to like Hinata that way too. And he was bored. And Itachi had been the one to take his virginity. And that was really all there was to say.

-

Hanabi was next.

The poor girl had burst into tears every time someone said 'Hinata' or 'heiress' or 'Hyuuga'. Meaning she would take a five minute walk around the compound and usually be in hysterics by the end. As this happened nearly daily, the Hyuuga clan was really regretting not treating Hinata properly before she died... Hanabi was convinced her elder sister had committed suicide because Hiashi didn't treat her right and therefore refused to take part in the ceremony marking her as the official Hyuuga heiress.

Luckily, she found a partner in her cousin, Hyuuga Neji. He had been trying to seduce Hinata for ages ever since Ten Ten (Ten Ten!) had dumped him (Him!) for Naruto (Naruto!) and had somehow managed to fall for her. They plotted together to murder the Hyuuga clan by scheming and collecting candy and coffee and soda and onions and other such things. Their plan? Have Hanabi be in brawling hysterics one day while Neji was insanely hyperactive. The next day, switch the roles. And so on and so forth. With a little luck the clan would be driven insane by a few days of this. (Honestly, who wouldn't?)

Day One of the Really Evil Secret Grand Master Scheme commenced without problem. By the end, Hiashi was huddled in a corner muttering about scary bipolar nephews and daughters and the rest of the Hyuuga clan was on Tylenol and Advil. Back in their rooms, Neji and Hanabi giggled over their (rather large) stash of caffeine and sugar (like four-year-old girls at their first sleepover). In other words, Day One of the Really Evil Secret Grand Master Scheme had gone perfectly.

Day Two of the Really Evil Secret Grand Master Scheme wasn't so great, but wasn't exactly a failure either, when they looked back on it. Actually, it was probably the best mistake ever.

Early in the morning, Hanabi awoke and promptly shocked the maid by jumping up and down on her bed, alternating between evil cackles and preppy giggles every five seconds. When Neji was called in to calm her down, he burst in tears and wailed that life wasn't fair (well, it wasn't!). Needless to say, the maid fainted from shock. Hiashi was called and just as he stepped into the room, still in his lacy, pink nightgown with flowers and hearts sewn on and about to yell at the pair who dared disturb his sleep, he took one glance at the pair and ran down the hall screaming in an impossibly high voice.

When an ANBU member came a little while later, he was surprised to see the Hyuuga clan members either out cold in random places or brawling their eyes out or curled in a fetal position. The only ones still conscious enough to listen to him was Hanabi (Neji had gotten dehydrated and passed out), the sugar out of her system. She listened to the message. When the ANBU member came to, he was still dizzy and vaguely remembered something about some black streak spinning him around.

By that time, Hanabi was already racing out of the town, and searching desperately for her beloved, wonderful, perfect, intelligent, skillful, kind, generous, nice, cheerful, lovable, attractive, adorable, smart, brilliant, impeccable, unblemished, sweet, thoughtful, calm, feminine, demure, soft, amazing, fabulous, fantastic, ideal, goddess-like elder sister. The message? '_We, the ANBU, would like to inform you of a possible sighting of the lost Hyuuga Hinata..._' The rest of it? Like she had listened after the first phrase.

So Hanabi searched and searched and searched and searched and searched and searched and searched and searched and searched and searched and searched and searched and searched and searched and searched and searched and searched and searched and searched and searched and searched and searched and searched... (and so on) for her beloved, wonderful, perfect, intelligent... (and so on) elder sister.

She searched for a million-billion-trillion-gazillion days and a million-billion-trillion-gazillion nights before saving her from the clutches of the evil Uchiha serial murderers and arsonists and thieves and then they traveled to a wonderful castle where they lived happily ever after with Hiashi acting as their maid and Neji as their slave. The end.

So went Hanabi's fantasy.

In actuality, she had searched for a mere two hours before finding Hinata and Itachi and Sasuke holed up in the deep, cozy cave that used to be infested with behemoth tigers that was really hard to find wrapped around each other like a human braid. Sasuke woke up, thought she was Hinata (despite the fact that Hinata was right next to him), and pulled her down next to her. Hanabi, not knowing how to react and not being overly bright, lay there and they both fell asleep.

When the four woke up the next day, Sasuke looked at Hanabi, Itachi looked at Sasuke, Hinata looked at Itachi and Hanabi squealed and glomped Hinata until the elder was blue. Hanabi then refused to let go (meaning they couldn't do 'it') and she was allowed to join them, because no matter how much Itachi and Sasuke were obsessed with each other's -beep-, having sex with the same person who was also your brother every damn day was extremely boring and they wouldn't be able to stand looking at Hinata and not tackling her to their makeshift bed anyways.

-

The four soon found it was perfect, as now they could switch off partners whenever they felt like it, and Sasuke and Itachi both admitted it was exhilarating watching two girls instead being watched by Hinata. Neji and Hiashi were forgotten and Konoha hissed with whispers about them. Tch. Like they cared.

-

But that only made four, and Hinata and Hanabi and Itachi and Sasuke agreed that they wanted someone new to join. They debated and debated and debated and (so on) finally decided to abduct someone from Konoha. The four all put in two picks each and drew out of a hat (that apparently appeared from nowhere as none of them had brought a hat with them).

The choices were: Tsunade (Sasuke: Big boobs), Ino (Hinata: Blonde), Jiraiya (Itachi: Perverted so must know some things...), Naruto (Hinata: Blonde), Shino (Hanabi: Dark, Mysterious, Sexy), Kiba (Hanabi: Just wanted to know if his bragging was true), Sakura (Sasuke: Annoying but as she would fall over herself at the chance they didn't need to worry about being caught and she had good figure), and Ten Ten (Itachi: 'Cause he didn't know anyone anyways).

They picked but squabbled and just grumbled and didn't choose anything. Then, Hanabi had the bright idea of going to the Hyuuga estate, pretending to be Hyuugas and kidnap someone. So, Hinata and Hanabi went back first and, fifteen minutes later, came back, with Neji in tow.

They looked at each other over his confused head and thought, '_Why the hell hadn't they thought of that in the first place?_' In the end, Neji went to sleep, his virginity already stolen by four people, two of them his cousins.

It was a strange night.

-

Neji joined them without them asking and once again Konoha was filled to the brim with shocked rumors. The Hyuuga clan was placed inside a mental hospital and both the Uchiha district and the Hyuuga conpound lay empty forever more.

But for the five, they didn't care either way.

-

Years later, Itachi was 24, Hinata was 19, Sasuke was 19, Hanabi was 17, and Neji was 20. And they had a conversation.

"I think we're a book. You know, one with only five pages, but all bound together," Hanabi said randomly, sparking a heated debate.

"No way, we're a tree, all from the same roots," Neji yawned.

"No, a shuriken, connected in a circle," Itachi mumbled.

"I like the idea of a rainbow..." Hinata whined.

"Shut up!" Sasuke roared, nursing a splitting headache. Damn it, why did he have to be the only one who couldn't hold his liquor? "Be quiet..." he mumbled. "They're all dumb ideas anyways... a star would be the best..." He was snoring before he hit the floor.

The rest of the blinked then shrugged, one by one.

"A star it is."

"Whatever."

"Ooh... that's so deep."

"If it's meant to be, then fine."

And then they decided to join Sasuke on the bed, finding the fact that Sasuke was sprawled over the thing no big deal. After all, they were, as Sasuke had noticed, five points on a star, still shining brightly.

And it was nowhere near time for them to dim.


End file.
